Saturday, September 27, 2014

Its really not that complicated...its just ...complicated

In the interest of holding myself accountable...not hiding from the work that needs to be done...I thought I'd blog my way through this process.

If you follow The Drea and Milana Show on blogtalk, you alread know that periodically we have the Prestess Brandi Auset on.  She always brings us some sort of  knowldege and enlightenment.

I wont get into a heavy details about who she is, what she does and our personal history, you can find all that here WWW.BRANDIAUSET.COM  (well everything except the story of Brandi and I).  But I will say that she is one of the most influential people in my spiritual journey. Not just because of her...skills, but her abilty to relate to me and make me relate to myself. 
I can bull shit a lot of people, but I can't bullshit Brandi. And unlike others who are able to see through whatever guises I might use, Brandi will only let me go so far before she calls me out and challanges me on myself.
She'll probably challenge me on why i felt compelled to blog this way. I wish I could say the answer is I dunno. Which if that was honestly the answer she'd say ok.  But hte truth is...I guess I want to work this thing out. I want to  get passed whatever/whomever is holding me back.  I need to honestly get out of my own way.  Blogging it out is multifaceted... i can work my way through it, be all braggadocio in showing the world ( and in turn myself) that I can do this ( and hide behind that bravodo because I really am scared to admit...the truth.) 

Suddenly I don't want to talk about this... because I think, no I know i've just admitted a part of the truth...not the whole truth and that hurts and I'm scared of it and i don't want to do this right now.  I know i need to, but I...hurt so I'm not. Not right now...maybe tomorrow.  You no what, Brandi said I didn't have to hound myself to have the answer and this is a total cop out, but I'm taking it.  I Don't ....Shit...I haven't even typed out the question she gave me to work on and I'm defensive and angry and ready to i'm not going to answer shit...i'm going to ..just go 

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