Sunday, November 9, 2014
Confessions of a Future Former Fat Female
Confessions a future former fat female…
Well, its not really day one. I think day one is the day that you decide that enough is enough, that it is finally time to do SOMETHING. But today is day one of the new
diet life style
change. AKA don't eat that eat this.
Thanks to Zac Smith here is the plan: I'm changing the way I eat (which means going from one or two meals a day to 6 portion controlled meals spread out through the day) and getting active (45 mins of cardio before meal one). The menu is set for the next 4-8 weeks. Hopefully by the half way point it will be habit AND I will be in the gym regularly.
Before I tell you how it’s going let me list out my fears. Why list them? A good friend told me that if you speak your fears out loud you can analyze and confront them more easily.
So here they are:
*Failure… I’m afraid to fail… I've said that I was going to do this many times before. Hell, I think I've blogged about it. And I've failed. Not only did I fail, I failed in the most spectacular of ways. I gave up. I didn't have the motivation to really do it. I didn't have the back bone to keep going when I knew I should. Sometimes I even took a small measure of success (a lost inch or pound) as a reason to stop.
*Floppy skin: Don’t laugh. I have a fear of excess skin. Losing weight (thanks biggest looser and like shows for scaring me) especially a rapid weight loss CAN leave behind excess skin. I don’t know about anyone else but my insurance doesn't cover that! Where am I gonna put that? (OK, you can laugh…I laugh ((albeit nervously)) it’s a silly fear. I’m still scared of it.
*Judgment: Gyms theoretically are for people who are trying to get fit. But we all know there is a sense of dread that every future former fat person has about working out in public spaces. We already know we are fat and out of shape and we imagine that every person who is pumping iron or spinning their legs like the cast of Scooby Doo™ or bending into impossible yoga poses with perfect form is staring at us, judging us. Most of them aren’t. Some of them are former fat people. Some of them are future fat people. How many times have we seen pictures of people trying to get in shape on social media as the butt of jokes? No one wants that for themselves.
*Bland boring food: dude, need I say more. I’m short fat and southern. I’m a self proclaimed foodie. I not only like to eat/taste. I like to cook it. I’ve know all year I was going to get to a point where I didn’t want to be fat. Every time I started to join a gym or contact a nutritionist; I ate a donut to appease my insulted taste buds and wipe the thought from my memory. I know I’ll eventually get back to the point where I can eat whatever I want (within portion controlled reason), it’s the giving it up for now(insert blue man groups I’m blue and come to the revelation that he says “if I were green I would die”) that has me sad.
OK so that’s some of what I’m scared of, but what I’m even more afraid of is not getting healthy. I don’t mind dying but I’m not ready to go yet. And I definitely don’t want to go for keeling over trying to walk through the mall or grocery store or worse watching TV on my couch.
I’m afraid of being 5’7 (ish) and having measurements that read 56-54-57. I don’t feel like a brick house. Hell, I don’t even feel like a barn. I feel like an over inflated beach ball. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I’m cute. I know I can dress for my body shape and turn heads in a positive light. I know that my husband loves every dip and curve, but I DON’T love it anymore. I tolerate it because the options are tolerating it or change it. I’m ready to change it.
I want to be able to do a full 45 minutes on the tread mill. What’s more I want to do it without stopping. Without crying because I have to slow the program down. Without nearly flying off the back and making Dréa shaped holes in the wall.
So today is day one. I only managed 20 minutes on the treadmill this morning, but that’s 20 minutes I haven’t done in years. I don’t like quinoa flakes and almond milk. Not even with Honey. But I’m determined to go choke them down (along with vinegar water) because if choking them down means I can get to be LESS of me, then lets do this.
So here are the stats…( I don’t know when I’ll up date them).
Age 33(almost 34)
Weight 310 (actually the scale said less yesterday but let’s just be safe)
(this is me excited to be smaller) If you're interested in getting Zac's help you should check him out at http://zacsmithfitness.com/ Other wise I'll see you guys for an update next month on my 34th Birthday!
*DISCLAIMERS: I don't know Zac Personally. I searched through all the hotties that I'm exposed to on FB and via my writer friends and bam there he was. I liked his story. I liked the fact that he gives zero fucks and isn't afraid to say so. I haven't purchased a personalized work out plan. Because I'm a realist. I gotta be able to MOVE before I can jump into circuits and reps and sets and all that lingo. That's my goal for my birthday next month: to have the ability and energy to be in the gym regularly with a customized plan of action as well as meal plans. For now, he customized a meal plan for me and suggested I get started getting off my ass ( he didn't say it that way. he was actually really sweet and said " I want you to make a big effort to get more active and start going for walks. Walking the dog or anything subconsciously will be burning calories. For maximum results when shredding body fat, I suggest doing cardiovascular exercise upon waking up without eating meal 1. This is called fasted cardio. I advise you do this! ") and get active. I'm going for it.