More than anyone having even a mustard seed of faith can handle. Sometimes it takes truck loads and truck loads of mustard seeds, virtual mountains of mustard seeds.
Some days, it takes loosing that lil' seed or packet of seeds or truck load of seeds. Some days you just have to lay your faith down and say "ummmmm excuse me Mr. Jesus's Dad. Hi, yeah its me down here again and ummm, imma just lay right here ok and I'll get up and find that seed in a minute or tomorrow or next week. But right now...I gotta just...be right here".
Thats not saying you've given up on your faith. You just have to lay down ON your faith and rest a while, which is all Mr Jesus's Dad wants us to do a lot of the time anyway.
Lay Down and rest and watch him do the hard stuff. But He gave us this shit called free will, which messes us up, it makes us think we have to do it all. all on our lonesome.
And its a lot of it that we do have to do alone. Somethings that even our faith can't really carry us through, but we have to go through it to FIND our faith. To Strengthen ourselves.
We smile when someone meets a goal that we've aimed for but haven't reached. Will likely never reach.
We accept in our lives that things aren't meant to be ours, even though our hearts still long for them.
We silently suffer on, when all we want to do is punch the people who are complaining about their house, their kids, their car, their rained out vacation, because all those things seem unobtainable to us.
But we smile and bob our heads in that way that says we commiserate with them. We understand, we EMPATHIZE all the while we are are twisting that lil package of seeds in to powder that we can add water to and spread on a big ole dookie sandwich that we'd like to shove across the table to our poor poor broken fellow man and smile and say "shit sandwich for you today? its got faith sauce on it, cup of steaming piss to wash it down,"
But we don't. We smile and we say. Have a little more faith and we hand them one of our mustard seeds that we've been studiously saving because in our hearts if one mustard seed can move mountains then we need ALLLLLLL the mustard seeds, throw in some collard greens and turnips too.
Somedays it takes all that...some days I have to borrow a mustard seed. Somedays I have to loan one of them out.
I've had to borrow more than a few lately. Yesterday I borrowed a truck load as life through me a couple of hard balls. But I am still in this game. And I have my mustard seed. I'm just gonna lay down right here with it for a while, though. I'm not gonna keep trying to plant it. Water it and grow it. But I am gonna look at it in my hand, like a child studies a roly poly bug. I am gonna think about it, and marvel at it and rest a while. And maybe tomorrow, I'll get up and have biscuits and coffee with it, this tiny mustard seed and my dear friend aunt flo. I might put some strict 9 in her tea, but that's another story.
But for now its me and this lil seed and Leon Russell
and we're singing this song for you.