Some times this life is too much.
More than anyone having even a mustard seed of faith can handle. Sometimes it takes truck loads and truck loads of mustard seeds, virtual mountains of mustard seeds.
Some days, it takes loosing that lil' seed or packet of seeds or truck load of seeds. Some days you just have to lay your faith down and say "ummmmm excuse me Mr. Jesus's Dad. Hi, yeah its me down here again and ummm, imma just lay right here ok and I'll get up and find that seed in a minute or tomorrow or next week. But right now...I gotta just...be right here".
Thats not saying you've given up on your faith. You just have to lay down ON your faith and rest a while, which is all Mr Jesus's Dad wants us to do a lot of the time anyway.
Lay Down and rest and watch him do the hard stuff. But He gave us this shit called free will, which messes us up, it makes us think we have to do it all. all on our lonesome.
And its a lot of it that we do have to do alone. Somethings that even our faith can't really carry us through, but we have to go through it to FIND our faith. To Strengthen ourselves.
We smile when someone meets a goal that we've aimed for but haven't reached. Will likely never reach.
We accept in our lives that things aren't meant to be ours, even though our hearts still long for them.
We silently suffer on, when all we want to do is punch the people who are complaining about their house, their kids, their car, their rained out vacation, because all those things seem unobtainable to us.
But we smile and bob our heads in that way that says we commiserate with them. We understand, we EMPATHIZE all the while we are are twisting that lil package of seeds in to powder that we can add water to and spread on a big ole dookie sandwich that we'd like to shove across the table to our poor poor broken fellow man and smile and say "shit sandwich for you today? its got faith sauce on it, cup of steaming piss to wash it down,"
But we don't. We smile and we say. Have a little more faith and we hand them one of our mustard seeds that we've been studiously saving because in our hearts if one mustard seed can move mountains then we need ALLLLLLL the mustard seeds, throw in some collard greens and turnips too.
Somedays it takes all that...some days I have to borrow a mustard seed. Somedays I have to loan one of them out.
I've had to borrow more than a few lately. Yesterday I borrowed a truck load as life through me a couple of hard balls. But I am still in this game. And I have my mustard seed. I'm just gonna lay down right here with it for a while, though. I'm not gonna keep trying to plant it. Water it and grow it. But I am gonna look at it in my hand, like a child studies a roly poly bug. I am gonna think about it, and marvel at it and rest a while. And maybe tomorrow, I'll get up and have biscuits and coffee with it, this tiny mustard seed and my dear friend aunt flo. I might put some strict 9 in her tea, but that's another story.
But for now its me and this lil seed and Leon Russell
and we're singing this song for you.
More than anyone having even a mustard seed of faith can handle. Sometimes it takes truck loads and truck loads of mustard seeds, virtual mountains of mustard seeds.
Some days, it takes loosing that lil' seed or packet of seeds or truck load of seeds. Some days you just have to lay your faith down and say "ummmmm excuse me Mr. Jesus's Dad. Hi, yeah its me down here again and ummm, imma just lay right here ok and I'll get up and find that seed in a minute or tomorrow or next week. But right now...I gotta just...be right here".
Thats not saying you've given up on your faith. You just have to lay down ON your faith and rest a while, which is all Mr Jesus's Dad wants us to do a lot of the time anyway.
Lay Down and rest and watch him do the hard stuff. But He gave us this shit called free will, which messes us up, it makes us think we have to do it all. all on our lonesome.
And its a lot of it that we do have to do alone. Somethings that even our faith can't really carry us through, but we have to go through it to FIND our faith. To Strengthen ourselves.
We smile when someone meets a goal that we've aimed for but haven't reached. Will likely never reach.
We accept in our lives that things aren't meant to be ours, even though our hearts still long for them.
We silently suffer on, when all we want to do is punch the people who are complaining about their house, their kids, their car, their rained out vacation, because all those things seem unobtainable to us.
But we smile and bob our heads in that way that says we commiserate with them. We understand, we EMPATHIZE all the while we are are twisting that lil package of seeds in to powder that we can add water to and spread on a big ole dookie sandwich that we'd like to shove across the table to our poor poor broken fellow man and smile and say "shit sandwich for you today? its got faith sauce on it, cup of steaming piss to wash it down,"
But we don't. We smile and we say. Have a little more faith and we hand them one of our mustard seeds that we've been studiously saving because in our hearts if one mustard seed can move mountains then we need ALLLLLLL the mustard seeds, throw in some collard greens and turnips too.
Somedays it takes all that...some days I have to borrow a mustard seed. Somedays I have to loan one of them out.
I've had to borrow more than a few lately. Yesterday I borrowed a truck load as life through me a couple of hard balls. But I am still in this game. And I have my mustard seed. I'm just gonna lay down right here with it for a while, though. I'm not gonna keep trying to plant it. Water it and grow it. But I am gonna look at it in my hand, like a child studies a roly poly bug. I am gonna think about it, and marvel at it and rest a while. And maybe tomorrow, I'll get up and have biscuits and coffee with it, this tiny mustard seed and my dear friend aunt flo. I might put some strict 9 in her tea, but that's another story.
But for now its me and this lil seed and Leon Russell
and we're singing this song for you.
You can always plant the mustard seed again. It might a little while to grow. Just be patient and it will take root when it is ready.
ReplyDeleteHold on and squeeze that mustard seed tight. And if you need more, I've got plenty.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you just need to stand! or in your case 'lay down'. When you feel ready to get up and start planting and dreaming again, I have plenty faith to bolster yours and you don't even have to ask; just reach out and take it. It's yours.
ReplyDeleteNovii
With a mustard seed of faith you can say to the mountain to be thy removed and with that faith the mountains in your life will be removed. Remember that many are the plans of a man's heart but it is God's purpose that will prevail. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Hold on to the faith that you have and believe that in God's time all will be well. Delayed does not mean denied. Look to the hills from which cometh your help and know that it comes from the Lord. He will not leave you nor forsake you. This is my faith reaching out to you as I stand in the gap with you and yours asking God for his grace and mercy and that he whisper the words of comfort in your ears today that you need to hear. When you feel your faith wavering I am but an email, text, and or phone call away. Envision the seed growing inside of you...Confess it...Believe it...and RECEIVE IT. Love you Sis! Okay I'm finished with the sermon for today (LOL).
ReplyDelete(((BIG HUGS)
I believe ALL things that happens in our life's journey good and bad is for the purpose of making us stronger and better. God allows us to go through the storms in order to appreciate the blessings when they come and never take them for granted. Sometimes it seems like we bare more storms than others around us, but our faith teaches us that God is right there with us and in His time all will be well and will fall into place at the right time. So continue to be encouraged my sister. Stay strong in your faith. Remember each day you get through is another day closer to all God has for you.
ReplyDeleteNow you know how my relationship is with Big G, my faith is pretty much non-existent Baby Girl. I lost 99.9% of it along the way to finding YOU and our wonderfully AMAZING sisters!
ReplyDeleteI love you Drea, that's all I've got to give, but always know, THAT ain't going to change.
Jeanie :)
Serenity ,
ReplyDeleteWhat a awesome thing to say, I cam only add Amen to that!! Drea, lay down or stand god has got you and you have some Wonderful friends here I see this just from reading their words,
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers
Becca