Today though, I am tired. And I know if you've been around me long enough you've probably heard that before, but right now at 1:30 am on March 4th 2012, I am tired.
Not the kind of tired you get from a long day at work or a trip or anything, but the kind of tired that leaves your soul aching, your spirit gasping for air.
The kind of tired that leads to those stupid commercials with the wind up dolls and the dogs looking at their masters wanting to go for a walk. Yeah that kind of tired, but more.
The kind of tired that makes people who aren't used to you going deep cover start asking if you "talk to someone or take something for it".
I'm tired. And I got a lot of shit to do. But this is nothing new. Everyone has shit, issues, problems. I just have to find a new outlet. Or maybe I have to many outlets. Maybe my husband is right, I share too much. Let too many people into to places that no one needs to be.
"People come to need to know your business babe, and you need to share it, but sometimes they need to know more than you need to share. They get to attached." He says.
Maybe I like that you like me. Maybe that fuels me. Or maybe I don't care. "you don't care that these people need you, you give them something they don't have when your gone, and you can't do that. you can't take that away after you got them hooked" he says.
Maybe its not them thats hooked. Maybe its that I do care.
Maybe its 1:35 in the morning and I am tired so this shit makes no fucking sense.
Maybe I'll go to bed and contemplate the number of times my ceiling fan rotates per minute on high.
Maybe its time to go to that place were nothing matters, nothing hurts nothing moves.
Sounds like a plan. Open cave, insert Drea, Close cave.
Only way to stop the hamster from spinning on the wheel is to take the wheel
or kill the hamster, but thats just cruel. Hamster can't help it that the wheel is there to spin.
he just gets off when he is tired.
yeah..time to get off the wheel.