Monday, March 19, 2012


I want to start this by saying I am OK. THank you all for the lovely emails and phone calls. Some times a body just needs to have a moment or 1000 moments. If you are one of those lurkers you're probably thinking I've had more than my share, and thats OKI've thought that same thing myself.  Thank you to all my amazing sisters who poured out love and comfort. Your words and your faith, amaze me daily.  I hope that I can give that same support back in anyway I can.    I’ve just really been feeling some type of way today, as if all my emotions are those little plastic balls that get tossed around in the bingo clubs, bouncing off of each other and making this horrendous racket.  My nerves are raw. The air around me aggravates me to no end.
I feel the electricity in the air like the long awaited touch of a lover, but not the one you want to be with. Its like the lover that knows you best but is absolutely NO GOOD for you.  You know you can’t even stand his mamma for birthing him into this world but the comfort of being in his arms is so familiar, so sure, so primal that you crave it, so raw that you turn back to him even when you know you’re gonna wake up missing half the money in your wallet,  the watch your grandfather gave you, your car and all your dignity. The side of the bed you normally avoid is gonna be empty again, but his funky as cologne is gonna linger and your gonna roll over and breath it in, maybe have a tweet moment or two before you get up and wash the sheets and curse at yourself in the shower, before calling all the pawn shops to look for that watch.  Yeah, the barometric pressure is doing things to me lately. Its causing me to squirm in my own skin. I wonder if this is what the madness that afflicts those lost in the Outback feels like.  It’s a slow process, taken me thirty one years to get here with it.  And some days I don’t even remember I have it.  I am fine and I wake up and do the shit that fine people do. I eat, sleep, dream. And then the weight of the world starts to press down on me in ways I can’t explain. And I think to myself “””SELF YOU NEED TO GET LAID OR GET DRUNK!!!!
And my self says back
And then the rain comes, finally, the clouds have been hanging heavy over my head, the lighting peeking out hear and there to tease me. Thunder shakes the foundation of my life. But the rain…ah the rain, is beautiful. It starts out slow sometimes, just a drizzle or a shower. And sometimes it comes in torrents so hard a fast that my world is flooded and I am desperate to keep my head above the water line. But it always comes and it washes away all the cobwebs and the dulldrums. It waters all those mustard seeds that I’ve lost in the dry cracked draught ridden Texas soil. And things begin to grow and blossom. The foliage covers up the ugly bare branches. The air is fresh and clean and the winds whisper through, blowing out the stale and stifling scent of the past. And  just like that I am cleansed and renewed.  Ready to move one and try again, but slowly this time.
I think I’ll still just rest a while longer here with my mustard seed. And maybe I’ll just watch the rain as it sheets down the windows, maybe I’ll go out side and breath in the scent of it, dip my toes of the porch and feel the cool drops on my heated skin. And maybe I’ll just sit right hear and listen to it, let it sing me a lullaby and soothe all those tender spots that were aching from being dry. 

Just lay right here and let it fall. Yeah, I'm thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain

ps i love this font so i bought it.  im sorry if its hard to read, Just wanted to see how my words looked.  Its called bleeding cowboy, apt if you know what i mean.



  1. ahahaha ha i just got hte first email... NO CWB IS NOT DEAD OR MAIMED OR ANYTHING ...i mean that the font was called bleeding cowboy and its was apt cuz i was bleeding my thoughts every where ...cwb is yet well and alive...Thanks for checking lol

  2. Sometimes we all need a little rain in our life. So enjoy the rain but a rainbow will appear at the end. Enjoy God's color pallet.