Thursday, February 9, 2012


In having revealed a bit about my journey in TTC, I've been privy to some amazing conversations.  Sometimes my point of view makes it hard for people to fathom the thought that I am TTC.

With all that's going on you can hardly breath the words "conception" with out someone asking you how you feel about Planned Parenthood, abortions, etc etc etc.

Last night I stumbled on a FaceBook post of a good friend. Someone I admire, love and Trust.  The post was about Sherri Shepherd's emotional moment on the view where she confesses to "having had lots of abortions".

Now the debate can me multifaceted and my friend and I line up on a lot of things, Like Sherri Shepherd isn't really relevant on my radar. I think she's and idiot.  However we disagree on the point miss Shepherd was making. ( some would say her point was invalid because she was simply jumping on a band wagon and trading on an emotional topic to garner more fame).Shepherd admitted to having had a lot of abortions and if she had been forced under( as is the issue under Texas law) to view pictures/sonograms as well as have her dr describe in detail the features of her unborn children, she might not have had the abortions.  Shepherd stated the decisions were hard enough and had she not made them the would have been the kind of person that  "people" sit around talking about , putting children in harms way, not parenting them, etc etc, because she lacked the mental capacity THEN to raise a child. (NB as of this writing, to the best of my knowledge as resident in the state of Texas, there is not law that makes drs. go through this same process for any other procedure. OH sure they talk to you in that general dr speak that takes two seconds and leaves you scratching someone else's head and waiting on the nurse to translate, but there is no law that says they have to "FORCE YOU" to listen to the sounds of whatever it is insides you other than the fetal heart beat.  And in my opinion that is not only unethical but cruel and abusive.)

Now here is were the debate breaks down in my opinion.  Because most people can't see past their own prejudices against Shepherd to her what she is saying.  The first part of her statement said basically..." we stop at the picket lines"  and she went on to explain that... we want to force women to have children, tell them NO you can not have an abortion, all the while we also deny them access to health clinics that would provided them with birth control, condoms, spermicide AND THEN when these women have had this children we complain about the over taxation, over population. We look at people who CLEARLY ill-equipt to be parents and we talk about how they are on welfare and food stamps.   And we judge them, we talk about how they shouldn't have children anyway, we look beyond their circumstances and we condemn them, vilify them and not just them but the children born of them.

We vote  continuously to shut down care for under served under privileged and minorities ( many who are born because the lack of care/ the lack of choice).  We complain that there are too many people in the world.

This was the point Shepherd was making. That MOST pro-life people aren't really pro-life, but pro give me some my way so i can complain about it.

My general issue with Pro Lifers are that the majority of them aren't PRO-LIFE, but simply anti abortion.  There is a huge difference.  Even being Pro Choice I can say I am ANTI ABORTION. I do not condone abortion as a from of birth control.  I believe that ever person knows the biological function of sex is reproduction. The risk of sex is human life, don't want a human life? Don't have sex. The only sure fire way of not reproducing is NOT COPULATING.  I believe that 100%  But I also believe their are instances where abortion is a valid option. If my 7- to adult year old daughter is raped and pregnancy results. I would not force them to have a child.
If a mentally unstable woman were to become pregnant. I wouldn't force them to have a child. If a woman in an abusive relationship  who couldn't protect herself, if a woman  with 7 kids and no job  no support system... if a woman's life was at risk ....THERE are just reasons for ME that abortion becomes and option.

I can even say that as I struggle with infertility. Because as much as I value life. I value the quality of life right along with it.

For me you can not say you are PRO LIFE but then you regularly vote for the death penalty. You negate your pro-life status every time you vote to cut services to poor people. You crush your pro-life status when you drive past  the ghetto/barrio/slums and you suck your teeth and talk shit about the "low life people that live there".  You toss it out with the bath water when you vote  locally to end free food programs in school or to keep under privileged children from being able to come to the "rich" school and get a shot at a better education.
To me if you are PRO LIFE you are Pro EVERY LIFE ALL THE TIME.  So that means you put down your picket sign and you grab a young woman by the hand. YOu bring her home and you take responsibility to for the coarse of her life. You enable her to be a life that can not only bring new life but support NEW LIFE. or You take that new life and YOU become responsible for it.
If you're so pro-life...go down to the orphanages and pick up ten or twenty of those kids who "were given a chance " but not  given a family.  Make sure you sign up to take the ones with special needs, who will never be able to be "productive" in society. Sign up for the ones that will need you to wipe their asses and change their diapers long after the time that you can't even wipe your own ass.  IF YOU ARE PRO LIFE THEN BE PRO LIFE...ALL THE TIME.

People are so focused on the fact that Planned Parent Hood is about abortion, that the forget that its not the only CHOICE you find there.  My mom worked with PP for a long time. And the number of women she was able to counsel, that DID NOT have abortions was far larger than the number of women who did.
They just needed to here that there were options. Adoptions, Being a single parent, allowing the father or other family member to take custody.   But yes abortion was an option, and for those women it wasn't easy. Even the habitual ones. NOT one woman walked in with a smile on their face and acted as if they were just in for a day at the spa.  NOT one woman walked out feeling like they'd just had a refreshing colonic and all was right with the world.  They'd each made the hardest decision they'd ever had to make and they each walked away having left and important part of themselves behind. A little bit of their soul was gone.

I have more respect for people who admit they are simply Anti abortion...they( they being the majority of anti abortionist who still insist they are pro life) don't give a shit what happens to the life once its here, but they believe it deserves the chance to get here. The aren't pro life... because if they were they'd be concerned about the life after the fact. Once its pushed from the womb into this cold cruel world, what happens to that life NEXT is just as important as whether it gets here or not.


  1. Someone asked me why I felt the need to state that i love admire and trust the person whose topic spurred this. my blog my rules. and because despite our different views its true. some times in life things are all one way or all the other way. there are things i can not compromise on, but my respect of the people around me where those things are concerned doesn't waiver. I state that I LOVE, TRUST and ADMIRE...this friend because I do. we just agree to disagree when need be. I do not think less of him and i know he does not think less of me. We hug, trade daps and move along. The point is to illustrate that it takes all kinds. And if it didn't, this would be a very boring, ugly, and sad world we live in.

  2. ooooweeee HEY y'all...i love the emails, you can comment here to and get the same results....
    to answer the newest question...NO, i am not a sherri shepherd fan. no i don't know her personal, and yes my opinion based on the information she has put out about her self is that she is/was an idiot. *shrug* thats my opinion. I do not hate her cuz that takes too much time for someone i don't know... and my opinion of her is not just based on her "abortion testimony" but since thats what this post is about let me say this...I do not condone abortion as a casual means of birth control. Birth control starts with sex control. I am not saying she or any other woman shouldn't have been getting it in. Sex is good, fun, exciting and i love it. But i am saying that if you're having sex their are a multitude of options to prevent it from ending in pregnancy. Condoms/ b.c. pills/ shots/ rings/ them big ass diaphrams/ iuds.... at some point a woman having a what appears to be "habitual" abortions, needs to step back and re evaluated whats going on to get them there. AND should also understand that the process of abortions is something that can cause serious health issues along the way which is only compounded by having them multiple times. I am not defending her use of abortion seemingly as a method of birth control though. what I am defending is the valid point she makes about "stoping at the picket lines"....and the double edge stigma of being forced into parenthood and facing the ramifications and the judgement that comes with it when the option of abortion is removed from your list of choices. if you have an abortion your a bad human being/ but if you birth a child into the world that you can't take care of /don't want to take care or you are equally ostracized.
    the world wants to take a way your access to birth control, tell you if you aren't working or rich with insurance you can't have any, but then shun you when the result of not having access to birth control is an unwanted pregnancy.
    then if you choose to end that pregnancy your a bitch and should be slaughtered, but if you go through with that pregnancy your a blight on society. a burden that should be shucked of and left to fester and die....that is the point i am making...